Tag: self-care

Why? How? Beliefs, Belonging, Burnout and Beyond

Beliefs shape how we see the world.
Belonging shapes how we survive in it.
And if we can’t always answer how, maybe we go back to why.

Today I attended a business workshop where we discussed passion, burnout, and bouncing back. It helped me connect some of the things that have been quietly sitting in my brain for a while: beliefs, belonging, burnout – and what comes next.

But let me backtrack. A new stim appeared today. I found myself wondering—was James trying to show something he couldn’t yet say? These are the kinds of questions I ask myself often. I overthink. But sometimes, that overthinking helps me notice patterns, to piece together signals that might otherwise go unseen. That brings me back to beliefs and burnout. I burn out because the load is heavy—juggling life, learning, teaching, and creating tools. Even things I love can weigh me down when there’s no room to pause.

Lately, I’ve been experimenting with AI tools—training image generators to create meaningful visuals for my projects. I hoped it would make things easier. The results are inconsistent: brilliant one moment, bizarre the next. In a way, it reminds me of autism and the term spiky profile. Like that term, these tools can be great in one area and miss the mark in another.

It also reflects something deeper: expectations.

We often expect people—especially children with additional needs—to “perform” to certain standards. We do this without pausing to understand the gaps in comprehension, communication, or cultural background.

Take a sandwich, for example.

If you give someone butter, bread, chicken, and egg, what do they make? That depends on where and how they were raised. Do they toast it? Does the butter go inside or outside? What goes first—the chicken or the egg? How would an untrained Artificial Intelligence Bot make it? (Ha.)

The point is: the “rules” are cultural. Learned. Assumed. Alien to some! Yet sometimes, experimenting outside those rules leads to something beautifully unexpected.

If the response is supportive—“that’s a creative idea,” or “tell me more”—it becomes part of a learning process. But if the response is “not like that” or “that’s wrong,” it can feel alienating. This can erode confidence. Imagine the frustration. Imagine facing that type of reaction with almost everything, all the time.

The challenge deepens when rules change depending on where you are too. I navigate language and systems in a culture that isn’t my own. My lifestyle doesn’t always fit the norm. The strain of not quite fitting in is something I feel often. This is especially true in this international world. Many of us are raising third-culture or even fourth-culture children. The layers add up. Different languages, different social cues, different systems. It’s no wonder burnout is common. Burnout isn’t just tiredness. It’s a state of mental, emotional, and physical depletion. It’s the slow erosion that comes from constantly adjusting to expectations that weren’t designed with you in mind. I see it in my child. I feel it in myself. And I read about it in parent communities.

I do overthink. I do burn out. But to counteract the signals, I’ve built myself a first-aid kit for those moments. I exercise, listen to music, read, sing, or work. I remind myself it’s okay to not be okay. It’s not perfect, but it helps. Sometimes I still hide. Tomorrow might be the day I’m a little less afraid.

Maybe the answer is simple: We are human. We evolve. We are the species that invented aircraft and landed on the moon. We can make life better for those living with depression or anxiety, or those who feel like they don’t belong. We can build systems of communication that meet people where they are. We can create roles and spaces that value what people bring, not just measure what they lack. People have the power to make meaningful change.

I write to make sense of it all—for myself, and for James. To find a way move beyond his current way of communicating.
For every child and parent who feels like they’re getting the sandwich sign wrong, but keeps trying anyway.

And maybe, through it all, we can create a space for hope, answers, belonging, and a little magic. Maybe tomorrow that stim will have gone away. TBC 🙂

Agency, inherent yet fragile

Anxiety and agency are two concepts deeply entwined in our daily lives.

  1. Reclaiming Agency: A Key to Mental Well-Being
  2. The Cyclical Nature of Anxiety and Burnout
  3. Action-Based Storytelling and Engaging in Collective Action
  4. Remembering Our Agency in a Challenging World

Our sense of agency is foundational to our mental and emotional well-being. It’s not just about taking action—it’s about choosing which action to take. Agency is about exerting influence over our environment and shaping our responses to the world around us. It’s an inherent part of being human, like sight, taste, and touch. However, like any other ability, agency can be impaired. Just as a physical impairment to one of our senses can disable us, losing agency can cause significant distress. This can result in burnout, anxiety, or even depression.

Anxiety is often that weight on our shoulders. It is a feeling of unease, worry, or fear about events that are about to happen. It might happen. Anxiety can be a natural response to stress. Sometimes, it signals that the body needs attention.

Agency, on the other hand, is our ability to make choices and exert control over our lives. It’s about taking action and feeling empowered to influence the outcome of events.

Fragile, yet inherent. When these two concepts collide, things can get complex. Anxiety can diminish our sense of agency, making us feel powerless and overwhelmed.

Reclaiming Agency: A Key to Mental Well-Being

Anxiety and burnout affect our well-being. Anxiety—particularly chronic anxiety—can significantly impact our ability to make decisions. It can also hinder us from taking meaningful action. In my own experience, I find that my sense of agency fluctuates. This is true both as an individual and as a parent/agent to my son James. It changes based on external stressors. The demands on me can feel overwhelming, and when burnout sets in, my ability to act diminishes dramatically. Click here to read my personal account of burnout.

Many neurodivergent individuals face this struggle. It is a continuous cycle of anxiety, stress, and exhaustion. This cycle ultimately leads to burnout. The resulting fatigue makes it hard to engage in self-care. It also makes it hard to rest or participate in social engagement. Over time, these unaddressed stressors can erode our sense of agency, leaving us feeling stuck and powerless.

The key to reclaiming agency is recognising our triggers. We need to allow ourselves time to recover, reflect, and reconnect. It is important to do this before we face the challenges ahead. It’s important to remember that this cycle doesn’t just apply to individuals; it affects entire communities.

The Cyclical Nature of Anxiety and Burnout

Prolonged anxiety can impair decision-making and worsen mental health, eventually leading to burnout or depression. This cycle isn’t just an individual struggle—it’s one that affects many people in the community, carers and teachers alike. The relentless pressure of unmet needs and demands can cause a profound sense of helplessness. This is especially true when it feels like there’s no time to step back and reset.

I often think of Virginia Woolf’s description of anxiety, where time feels so unbearable that survival seems impossible. These feelings aren’t new or uncommon, particularly among individuals who identify as neurodivergent. Anxiety and burnout can take a toll. They create a state where the ability to act feels paralysed. Even the smallest decisions seem monumental.

Strategies to Reclaim Agency and Overcome Anxiety


Action-based storytelling focuses on what actions we take to improve a situation. It avoids perpetuating a narrative of hopelessness. In the context of climate change, we can change the conversation. We can move away from impending doom and highlight stories of action. These can empower us to see a path forward and remind us that we can make a tangible difference.

Action-Based Storytelling and Engaging in Collective Action

Focusing on actions we’re already taking can be beneficial. This includes activism, sustainable practices, or little things like using a reusable straw when we can. These actions can help us feel that we are actively contributing to change.

Collective action helps individuals feel less isolated in their struggles and provides a sense of shared agency. This could be through online groups, social media platforms, or in-person meetups. For example, I’m learning Makaton. I am inviting others to join me. This amplifies our shared messages around inclusion. It also supports the well-being of children like my son, as well as other families.

Click here to read my summary of the Mental Elf podcast. The podcast discusses agency and action-based storytelling. It also covers anxiety and collective action from a psychological and climate-based perspective.

The Oldies and Goodies: Tried-and-Tested Techniques We Often Forget

  • Let Go: In times of burnout or anxiety, it’s crucial to simplify and focus on the essentials. Prioritise what really matters: nutrition, relationships, rest, and recuperation. By doing this, we create space for recovery without the weight of unnecessary demands.
  • Reflect: Identifying the triggers—both external and internal—that contribute to feelings of anxiety or burnout is a vital step. Taking time to reflect on your emotional and physical states can help you spot patterns and avoid further overwhelm.
  • Rest: Rest is not a luxury—it’s a necessity. For neurodivergent individuals, the mental and emotional toll of continuous anxiety and stress can be unsustainable. Regular rest is essential to restoring a sense of agency. You can achieve this by engaging in hobbies, spending time with loved ones, or simply taking a break.
Remembering Our Agency in a Challenging World

Our agency is at the heart of our mental and emotional well-being. It allows us to make decisions, take action, and feel empowered in an uncertain world. Anxiety, burnout, or eco-anxiety can strip us of this sense of agency. We may feel powerless in such situations.

The path to reclaiming our agency lies in recognising the importance of rest and regulation. It also involves engaging in action-based storytelling and participating in collective action. By doing so, we can ensure that we make meaningful progress. We can do this without sacrificing our mental health. Rebuilding our agency—whether individually or collectively—helps us take control of our lives and move toward a more sustainable, empowered future.